The Dread Pirate Boyd

Next thing me knows, I be up in the sky with some furry type creature that thinks we be moving to the bed next!

The best drink is the drink that is bigger than yee.  Wine makes me toes tingle and me voice LOUD!

Aye! So today I decided to share me booty with some kids who be needing help.  Not sure what be coming over me, but it seemed the right thing at thee time.

I ain’t sharing me gold with anyone else tho! So don’t be asking fer it. Arr

Dueling pianos! Now this be my kind of fun.

Always enjoyed me a bit of the fancy arts.  Especially when it be involving the ladies, eh?  Faeries on the other hand, they be a nasty thorn in me side.  Squish ‘em all!

Aye, it be true, climbing a tree ain’t nothing weird for a pirate to be doing.  Gives ye a good vantage point to be seeing all the ships in the harbor.

Arr, not sure if I be liking this cold creamy mixture.  Gave me head the worst hurting I be feeling since me first mate knocked me across the forehead with the plank.

I be told me attitude be too harsh fer thee front of the house.  But I tell them I not be in the front of the house, but at the door of thee pub.  Aye, they were wanting to write me up fer being ‘smart’, but I don’t know what writing me up means.  Any one be wanting to share with me?  Anyway, they sent be to the ‘back of the house’ where they be coming up with these places? They stuck me in the galley!  I not be a cooking pirate! I be a captain!  But I be doing my best at it anyway.  Aye, mixing the salad be harder than I be giving credit for.

It be a long day, but in the end I be staying far away from that place!  Me ship’s crew be a nicer set of scuvy dogs than be working at that pub!

So first I be writing down names and bellowing them out when a table be clean enough fer them to be eating at.  Ye landlubbers aren’t much of the lively sort, are ye? No body be liken my idea to shar ther table with others. I also be getting told that I can’t be threaten to kill none ye customers fer being rude to me.  What kind of a place be this?

I had to do something they be calling ‘clocking in’ before I could be getting started with any of thar work stuff.  Something about paying me fer what I worked, usually I just be stealing what I want, so this be a strange idea.  No need to be keeping track a’ me work, just gives me thee gold and ye be living to see tomorrow.